Black Friday Fun

The story you are about to read is true ... not even the names have been changed to protect the innocent

It was 4am when Nancy woke up thinking about those bargains… I sawed logs until 5am trusting instead in quick reflexes and a fast getaway car. We cruised on down the highway and made it down to Owasso in time to see the crowd at Wal-Mart .... it's 5:40 am and those knuckleheads are out and half the parking lot is full .... go figure.

20 minutes later and we pull into Best Buy .... got a gift in mind .... limited quantity .... after a $70 rebate we'll get it for a measly 10 bucks! Just another gimmick to draw a bunch of suckers into their store well I'm here to tell ya .... it works! We hit the parking lot at 6am, the sun isn't up yet .... heck it isn't even in the shower! We turn the corner and there are already about 100 people in line .... lawn chairs and blankets and thermos jugs. What's wrong with them .... out at this hour ... why don't they stay home? We jump in line and begin out hour long vigil. Now let's see .... the store has lots of specials but most if it is silly stuff, not worth this kind of trouble. I'll bet every one of these jerks is after "our" stuff, maybe they will run out of coffee and go home. No ... but half of them are women, so maybe they won't run out of coffee but they will have to go to the bathroom .... yeah!

6:15 and it's turning into a long wait .... the gal in back of us has been talking for 35 minutes and we've only been here for 15 .... try to stay out of the line of fire in case she stops to draw a breath! The crowd is getting bigger, probably 200 people behind us now, it's sad to see their faces fall when they get out of their cars and see the line. Some of them are only here for the free beanie‑baby, they need to get a life! I hear there is free coffee and donuts at Walmart .... but ... come heck or high water, bladder or no bladder I'm determined to get that rebate .... this is fun .... like stalking a grizzly bear.

6:30 now and there are probably 800 people in line behind us .... so many people walking up and realizing they won't get their rebate .... poor saps....but it's the early bird who gets the worm, right? Wait ... some of them aren't going to the back of the line ... they are huddling up in small groups and just watching the front door .... what do you suppose they are up to? We tighten our ranks and begin to speculate about this unrighteous rabble. There's more of them by the minute .... pacing around .... eyes all glazed over ... pulling on their chins and trying to figure out how to get into the store ahead of us ... heck, ahead of ME!!!! We can't even see the end of the righteous line any more, but there are now 200 criminal infiltrators closing in .... inching .... creeping .... shoulders hunched .... drooling on their own tennie runners ... so disgusting. With 12 minutes left a bunch of them make a mass move and try to create their own line at one of the other front doors. A mass cry goes up from the "Righteous Line arms waving to the security guards in the store Back of the Line" "Back of the Line" we yell they just slink lower their slimy shoulders covering their ears only a few of them have a conscience and leave where's my baseball bat. The shouting gets louder .... the other rat packs gain courage and move toward the doors ... we tighten up the ranks again and prepare to repel the "Mongol Hoard"....they are getting closer and closer .... beady little eyes darting around looking for a break in the line .... they're all over .... don't think we can hold on for 5 more minutes.

Now ‑ what's that? Off down the road ... here come police cars! Tulsa's finest coming to the rescue of the righteous line a grand and glorious cheer goes up the officers pull out their riot batons and head to the front doors the "Righteous Line" surges forward YES the door is open they aren't letting anybody in through the other doors Amen Brother there is justice in the world But WAIT!!!! The slimeballs are slinking our way trying to join the flow of the "Righteous Line Sweet Nancy has her arms extended protecting her assigned spot it's getting bad here she wards off one slinker but he tries again I get in his face "Back of the Line Buddy! his eyes flicker but he presses in Yeah You people been waiting in line for hours you go to the BACK!!! "You need to get offa me" he whines. "When you go to the Back of the Line" I fire back .... he stops for a moment ... now he's about 6 places behind us as we reach the front door .... just a few more steps .... the Best Buy Security people are up here .... we just may make it!

7:03 and we're in the door .... hooray! Now we have to run the gauntlet of employees giving out coupons, flyers, beanie babies (sheesh), and free CD's .... they manage to distract my wife ... but not me .... no sir .... I'm here on a mission no window dressing for this kidI race past the islands, down the main isle towards the computer section there's a crowd in quite a frenzy that's got to be my spot I fly into the middle and of the 80 items they started with I manage to slip my hands on one of five that are left. YES!!!!!! HA! We came ... we stood .... we conquered! I think I hear the theme music from "Rocky"!!! Life is good ... the slimeballs are still outside pouting ... the sun is up .... and breakfast is now a possibility.

So did YOU do any shopping today? ????